although i don't think i'm susceptible to advertising, of course, i am. info-mercials are hilarious, but they also appeal to some animal instinct inside my brain. it's as though the false enthusiasm starts to ring true after the initial two minutes of hilarity wears off. and so that is how i came to be the owner of foundation garments by kymora. i was lured in by their promises of "free" extras (all i had to do was pay shipping and handling), and the "guaranteed" promises of inches off.
yesterday, my little miracles arrived in the mail. i was so busy after i got home from work, that i waited until this morning for a trial run. and now, here i sit at my computer, tighter, firmer and smoother than i was yesterday at this time, but, admittedly, a bit less comfortable.
for those of you who know me in real life, i am tall and appear slender, but am large-framed with a boyish, straight up and down figure. these slenderizing wonders were obviously manufactured for the woman possessing a semblance of a waist, of which, i have none. so although i now can sport the vintage 1970's tomato red stewardess dress with fitted bodice (which is what i have on today), underneath i feel a tiny bit constricted.
i suspect from historical experience with these types of garments that by 5:00 p.m. today i will edit the words "tiny bit constricted" to "being squeezed to death by a boa constrictor."
and to those naysayers (kelly, i hear you!) who say i look fine, i only have this to say: my reflection in the full-length office bathroom mirror is all i need to remind me that this is the best money i've spent on shipping and handling in a very long time.