Tuesday, December 19, 2006

730 days...

...cancer free. 1095 days to go 'til my five years are up.

i got turned down yesterday at the office blood drive. i never even thought that having had cancer was an automatic disqualifier for donating blood. the little five minute interaction with the nurse made me quite emotional. the tears didn't start to fall until i was in the stairwell of my office building, but i couldn't put my finger on why it made me cry until i was home and in the sanctuary of my bedroom.

it made me worried that the cancer would come back.

i know it won't come back...because i have a feeling that it won't and, more importantly, the odds are against it.

but when a very official nurse-type tells you that you can't do something that you thought you were 100% healthy enough to do, it can give a girl reason to pause and think about why the nurse-type would say that.

the very logical part of my being knows that it has nothing to do with me specifically...that there are tables and charts and graphs that tell the medical community that most of those with cancer shouldn't give blood because of the possibility that the cancer could be laying dormant in their systems.

it is not about ME.

but honestly, i really just wanted the free sweatshirt.


MB Shaw said...

Oh sweetie.......this is so touching but funny at the same time. What a gift that you are cancer-free though. Life is good my friend.

maggiegracecreates said...

Been there - done that - got all them damn sweatshirts.

My biggest problem with being a survivor is still emotional. That paralyzing fear that creeps in without warning. Like the black cat that lives at my house. She waits for a crack in the door and is in the house before we know it.Then hides and pounces when we least expect it.

I will check in on many more of those 1000+ days. With friends and blessings those days fly by.

Happy holidays.