first off, let me say, quite honestly, that i love the holiday season. i love it even more when the weather cooperates and fulfills my dreams of cold air and snow-covered ground. it feeds my obsession toward perfection like nothing else can. i tell you that because this past weekend when the world got covered in twinkly ice and, what my mother likes to call, "white death," my over-achiever holiday self kicked into high gear and the vortex of disappointment began.
yesterday i typed up a list of things i'd like to accomplish by this weekend and before THE BIG DAY. this morning at the breakfast table, i added to the list. it's now over a page and half long. "unrealistic" does not begin to describe the magnitude of what the list encompasses. kelly, ever so gently, and with twenty years of experience behind his words, suggested that i might want to prioritize. i held the list where he could see and pointed out that i had already done that...the items i wanted to get done before sunday were in bold. if those got crossed off, then i would move on to the items that were italicized. if the heavens aligned, then i would work on the list of things in plain type. of course, up to that point, i hadn't added handwritten items to the list. the question then was, should i re-type the list? re-prioritize? adding new bolded items and deleting items i accomplished last night. or do i leave it as is and look on the list itself as not another project, but a helpful guide?
in the shower i thought of more items to add.
dear reader, "vortex of disappointment" sounded like an exaggeration two paragraphs ago, didn't it? do you grasp the magnitude of what i'm dealing with here? it's like i can't stop. and no amount of dove dark chocolate promises wrapped in a foil fortune that tells me, "it's okay to do nothing," will right my course.
and then i came into work.
overnight we had received a daily fax newsletter that is actually a giant advertisement disguised as a newsletter. i don't usually read it, but this morning, something caught my eye--a column on holiday depression. and in bold letters were the following:
don't let the holidays rule your life.
make sure to get enough sleep.
save some alone time.
try to be realistic.
to tie the word "depression" with my tendency towards obsessive behavior stopped me cold. over-achiever heidi is going to have to take a back seat this season so rational heidi can take the reins.
can you say "wake-up call"?