fourteen days...

that is how long it's been since we dropped off a 6 foot 2 inch behemoth of love at school. it has not been as difficult as it was that afternoon in his new bedroom...he asleep on his brand new bed (which he put together himself), me clicking away an entry to all of you, dear blogosphere. the change was so close, the transition so imminent. the worst moments were when there was nothing to do, no task to tend to, no books to purchase, or administrator to speak with. when it was just "being" was when the division felt deepest.

now, us here and him there, it's starting to feel a bit natural (which i know it is). we are enjoying our time together, which we always did. we are trying out new dinner dishes. we are taking walks. we are trying to get into a pattern...we're very big on patterns here at the pod.

and i know just as soon as i get into a groove something will come up and i'll need to re-adjust (just like when were new parents and you'd come up with some ingenious way to help the baby stop crying like singing a frank sinatra song and then *poof* it stops working and you have to come up with another survival tactic). but all of this adjustment is good for me -- being too set in my ways breeds boredom.

two more weeks and i'll have this whole thing figured out...i think.

cha-cha-cha-changes...

the three peas are in the midst of transition. hundreds of miles away from home are we and living under separate roofs. college life has begun. the youngest pea in an apartment home and the two older peas in a suite hotel. i have a feeling this is most difficult for me, but still challenging for the men in my life. chomping at the bit to gallop toward independence is nathaniel and pulling back in tiny, minute ways on the reins am i and kelly somewhere in the middle encouraging everyone to embrace the next phase of our lives.

i tried to convince nathaniel that he needed a toilet brush. he and kelly finally convinced me that that was a decision to be made by nathaniel and his roommates. i relented and internally cringed at what a bathroom shared by two eighteen year old boys could look like by winter break. i guess he'll appreciate home that much more and perhaps finally realize what it takes to keep your living space neat and tidy.

also, i'm worried about food, but already there have been many opportunities for a free meal, so i guess he won't starve.

we leave here in two days...165 pounds lighter. the missing weight, though, could make my heart heavier than it's ever felt.

thank you, internets

in august 1985, i had just returned to the united states from traveling for months in mexico and central america. hungry for an authentic taste of home, i rode the greyhound bus from indianapolis to st. louis to visit my grandparents. after a few days with older adults, though, i was longing for the companionship of a peer. i immediately thought to call ellen -- one of the women with whom i had traveled in mexico. i knew she lived in st. louis and phoned her to catch up. we immediately fell into easy conversation that would outstrip my grandparents’ view of what an appropriate call length would be so we decided to meet. problematic because neither one of us drove. a friend of ellen’s offered to give her a ride.

ellen stepped out of the passenger side of a lemon yellow 1976 mustang. from the driver side emerged the tallest redheaded drink of water ever to grace the streets of south st. louis. that was the very first time i ever laid eyes on kelly wallace. two years later, almost to the day, kelly and i were married.

just last week i got an e-mail from ellen. she had found me through my blog. she was going to be visiting family in st. louis (having moved out east many years ago) and asked if we would like to get together. we made plans for tuesday night.

thinking back i calculated that it had been at least twenty years since ellen and i had seen each other. when she stepped out of the passenger side of the rental mini-van i could see that she hadn’t changed one bit. her peaches and cream complexion was still flawless; her eyes were clear. after we’d hugged i could tell too, that her manner was still just as easy-going and open. of course, much has changed.

we’re both married now. we’re both mothers. if you stepped back twenty-two years and imparted these two facts alone to my former self, you would have successfully blown my mind. love was an elusive and mysterious emotion back then. relationships were hit or miss and much more often miss than hit. naturally, at that age, everyone is just trying people on for size and fit, making mental lists of must-haves and deal breakers as we move through our sentimental fumblings.

but when i look back on the first afternoon i spent with kelly i can remember all the things that remain true to this day and immediately made me feel connected to him in a way that i’d never felt before…he was immensely generous and kind, he was funny, he had a great smile, he liked to make physical contact with the person he was speaking with, and he had the bluest eyes i’d ever looked into.

this entry is a thank you note of sorts…a thank you to the internet for bringing ellen back into my life and a thank you to ellen for needing a ride twenty-two years ago.

a little notebook...

i carry a little notebook in my purse. it always comes in handy. remembering to jot down something i need from the store on my way home, writing down someone's phone number, or an idea that pops into my head.

lately, though, it's been about lists.

lists of things that need to be cleaned or straightened.

lists of things that need to be repaired around the pod.

lists of fun things to do with kelly this summer since it's just the two of us now.

and there's another list but this one's just been living in my head and if i don't get them all down they're going to flit away like a daydream you almost forgot to remember...a list of all the things i want to learn how to make. an apron. a shirtwaist dress. a pair of summer pajamas (shortened though to capri length), a pair of linen capris (i know how to sew, but i want to sew smarter...actually take my measurements and figure out the correct fit BEFORE i start cutting into the fabric and, oh yeah, i want to learn to sew knits. has anyone used this book? i want a hoodie, and to make some tees.)

oh, and i also want to paint some large canvases for my walls and paint a mural above my headboard and make some new felt pieces and my head's full of ideas for new jewelry.

my mojo has been mysteriously missing, people. and now that it's back, i need to get crackin'.

an update...

what has lured me out of hiding to update you, my fine devoted readers?

no, not the presidential race...

no, not a comment on the price of gas...

but, yes, a post to mark the day that i realized i am aging. my eyelids have begun their slow acquiescence to gravity. i looked in the mirror and realized a smudge from the eyeliner framing the edge of my upper eyelashes has worked it's way onto my upper eyelid...it's just a hop, skip and a jump until my hands look like my mother's and i'm complaining about how my knees hurt.

hey kids...that ball is mine now. it went into my yard and now it's mine.

maui dreaming...

the weather forecasters are all abuzz with the incoming snowstorm. i've heard accumulation predictions ranging from 6 to 10 inches. i love snow so any amount is good to me, but i'm not getting my hopes up. i can't tell you how many times i've banked on a snowstorm only to wake up disappointed to see clear sidewalks. i began my love affair with snow at an early age and the emotion has never waned.

that being said, i do not love the cold. i adore sweater weather but downright cold is bracing and abrasive. it cuts right through me.

hence, the picture above...adrift on the ocean, whale-watching, 80 - 85 degrees with a southerly wind in our faces. i would go back to hawaii for every vacation if i could...it is just that special.

for now, though, this picture and my memories will have to keep me warm.

it was so odd...

last night i arrived home from knitting, changed into my jammies and plopped down on the couch to knit with some of lesley's new handspun yarn, eat ice cream, and watch cashmere mafia.

but before all of that can begin i can tell, from nathaniel's room i am being beckoned. in the background, behind his itunes music is what sounds like a podcast from a teen girl website. he's not logged on to the internet and there are no icons on his desktop that tell us what this is or where it came from. of course, it's a virus. thankfully, the virus scan finds whatever little file was causing the weird girl-talk.

while i tried to figure this out though i was half-listening to the podcast. wow...am i ever glad i'm not in middle school or high school anymore. to think i EVER thought about what boys thought about what i wore or how my hairdo affected my likeability factor. ick.

then i went into the living room to catch up on the show...only to be confronted with the reality check that all of the gals on "mafia" were concerned with what boys thought about what they wore and how their hairdo affected their likeability factor.

no, we really have not come a long way, baby.

it's official...

i'm old.

this morning i sat at my desk and wielding my scissors i cut out a mini-article about lipid reducing foods. i figure it's only a matter of time before i start cutting out garfield cartoons and sending them to nathaniel with a note: "saw this and thought of you...i know how you love lasagna!"

day one...

2007 wrap-up

seen: 43 movies...my top five picks are (in no particular order): once, knocked up, the king of kong: a fistful of quarters, juno and sweeney todd. my five least favorite movies are (also, in no particular order): hot rod, bill, ghost rider, license to wed and the host.

attended: i only went to one concert this year, the ditty bops. these chicks are fantastic. check them out if you like lilting tight harmonies and clever lyrics. i also went to lots of roller derby matches.

knitted: i finished both the purple monstrosity in noro something or other and i began and finished a button-less cardigan out of rowan tapestry. i completed five pairs of wrist warmers, a pair and a half of baby socks, a bib, three scarves, three purses, a pair of mittens, and two pairs of sockettes.

read: 12 books...hmmm, one per month -- not too bad, but i sure wish i'd read more. maybe in 2008. fave book of 2008 (and probably on the top ten list of all time faves) the time traveller's wife by audrey niffenegger. if you haven't already, please read it so we can talk about it, okay?

accomplished: i completely cleaned and re-organized the basement. although i didn't achieve my goal of painting the floor or the furniture so it coordinated, i feel like i can cross this off of my list, because it was a great undertaking and once done, made me feel so much better!

2008 goals

resolutions: eat healthier, practice yoga more, have a more positive outlook, love deeper, live in a more focused way.

goals: keep organized, knit from my stash, knit four pairs of socks, paint the bathroom, sew at least three dresses from my vintage pattern collection, get ready for christmas all year long

predictions: that's for me to know and you to find out! actually, the three peas write them down each january 1 and don't look at them again for 365 days when we eflect on them on new year's eve. nathaniel's from 2007 were right on target. mine were about 65% accurate and kelly's were, as usual, very silly.

hope your 2008 is everything you hope for. i love fresh starts, don't you?