Tuesday, October 04, 2005

still no pics, but other stuff...

it was a quick weekend, wasn't it?

i've come to terms with the challenges of dealing with those in the field of higher education. i rationalize that the difficulties are there to force the student to use their creative problem solving skills. i'm committed to using these stumbling blocks as an opportunity to grow and learn. perhaps the academia are creating "teachable moments."

homecoming #1 was great! the kids ate dinner out (while kelly and i cooled our heels in a nearby used bookstore). the dance was actually fun (i think they were prepared for it to be boring) and after they went to IHOP for a snack. it does my aging ego good to realize that high school dances have not changed that much in the last 25 years. we're now gearing up for homecoming #2.

what's on the horizon seems murky to me these days. i know it's important to have a plan in life, but so often i feel a sincere drift occurring. each january 1st i write a list of goals for the upcoming year, but this year, those were written in the post-surgery manic episode of "everything's okay and now i'm going to take on the world." at the time, i didn't have to wash dishes, fold laundry, make lunches or dinners, vacuum or dust. i read and did art all day--that is, in between naps. these days i am rushing forward and don't know which end of my candle is burning faster. all of this is tempered with the desire to slow WAAAAAY down and watch and notice and document all that nathaniel is becoming. he'll be 16 in a few short months and each birthday marks closer the time he'll leave us and be on his own. having only one child makes the transitions so marked. so along with "watch child grow up" my to-do list says things like "write more" and "make more art" and "read a new book each month" and "clean closets." i love the everyday tasks because they are what ground us as human beings, but i long to live deeper in myself. i yearn to learn all there is to know about emily dickinson or to use every color paint on one piece of art or to finally achieve the ability to meditate.

the question remains, what do i most want to be in this one chance i've been given?


sharonwisely said...

Sometimes it's best to "just be" as Kevin C. told Susan S.

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