Tuesday, January 24, 2006

spt...reflections, the last...

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this is where i would put a picture of my father, if i had one.


i have never met my biological father.

in the past few weeks through the self-portrait tuesday challenge of reflections i have shown you the men in my life...but there are days that i ponder the absence of a father and think that was the most impactful non-presence. i wrote a poem about him in my angst-filled high school freshmen year--about how not knowing what my father looked like caused me to see him in every man's face i passed, to wonder constantly about where he was and what he was doing and whether he wondered the same about me.

i now know my father's family but have still not seen any pictures of him and i think it's better that way. then i don't have a face to associate with the space his absence left in me.

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other self-portrait participants may be found here.

5 comments:

Becky said...

i often wonder how my own children feel. the circumstances, no doubt a bit different, but still, a piece of the puzzle always missing inspite of the fullness of ones' life.

la vie en rose said...

thank you for this honest post.

Karyl said...

Each day brings us new information to tuck away in our hearts, Heidi. I'm with Becky F. in wondering about how my child really feels inside about the missing pieces -- the parts that she never says because she doesn't want to hurt our feelings!

firstborn studio said...

heidi...thanks for sharing this deeply personal layer of your life...it makes you all the more beautiful and wonderfilled to me...
again thanks,
d

Rhonna said...

wow, very powerful!
you've been featured on SPT! ;)
Thanks!
R