Tuesday, July 19, 2005


thus far, i've steered clear of sharing too much that was personal on this blog. i guess i'm ready to shatter that standard.

i've always adhered to the belief that keeping my fears secreted away only fueled them. once the light of day hit what frightened me, their power was diminished. so in the spirit of squashing my fears, i'm exposing my most recent fear to the harshest light known--the internet.

for over two weeks, i've been nursing the longest running migraine in my personal history. this so annoyed me (and my sweet husband) that i made an appointment to see my physician. i know folks suffer with migraines every day. there are women i know personally who are incapacitated by their headaches. thankfully, i have not experienced their level of pain with this round of headaches, but it was starting to interfere with my day-to-day life. and ladies and gentlemen, that just doesn't fly with the queen!

so i saw my doctor.

here's a brief history before we go too much further...in december i had cancer. it was not the type of cancer that causes the afflicted long-suffering bouts of pain. i had an abscessed perforation in my colon and through the process of removing the infected stretch of bowel, my surgeon inadvertently and miraculously removed a cancerous growth. i did not have to undergo chemotherapy or radiation. i had cancer. it got removed. in effect, i won the lottery.

so when i started to have stubborn headaches that wouldn't go away, i thought maybe somebody should check it out. i saw the doctor and she said that given my "history" she'd like to send me for an MRI...well, let's just say the worry started to work on me a bit.

now imagine that in the course of no less than three days, on three separate occasions and without knowledge of the other offers, three kind people offer to accompany you to said MRI (a test, you have been assured, is quite routine), well, you might worry even a little bit more.

so now i sit here, in a bit of a tizzy with still two days to go before the test.

please, light of day, work your magic.


firstborn studio said...

dear heidi,
don't let the fear of the unknown rob you of any joy that you might have today....plant your feet firmly in this minute and savor it!

nancy said...

the offering of three people to accompany you to the test has to do with their love for you. It has always helped me to share, I hope that this will benefit you. peace and love

Karyl said...

You need to know that you are one of our shining stars and have many good wishes to carry with you! We'll be thinking about you, Queenie!

Mary Beth said...

Hey sweetie....I am thinking of you and wish we would have talked about this a bit last night as I have been in exactly the same scenario with damnable headaches for over a week now. Spent over an hour with my Dr. last week and he believes mine to be combo migraine/tension/sinus. Yuck. I have had a couple MRI's for this (through the years) and my only advice on that is to do some deep breathing to get you through and you'll be ok. I will hold tons of good thoughts about you and offer up all my positive energy!!! Knowing what you have been through with the cancer, I can't imagine the fears you are facing but there is no reason to believe lightning will strike the same place twice, you know.