with this ring...

on saturday, we attended the wedding of the daughter of my co-worker. it was an elaborate affair--hundreds of guests, open bar, chocolate fountain, fresh flowers everywhere. it was a wonderful celebration.

in sunday's paper there was an article about the costs of weddings, not for the ones to be wed, but for the guests. in my opinion, any price is small when celebrating the lives and accomplishments of those we love.

there was also a sidebar article by judy cuniberti asking the eternal question, "does the amount of money spent on a wedding directly relate to how long a marriage will last?" "no," say i.

almost 18 years ago, i married the love of my life. i wore a discount cocktail dress and held a silk flower bouquet. my husband to be and i each had one attendant. the ceremony was in the backyard of my grandparents' home. after the brief "i dos" we all went inside to have cake, cookies and punch. the music was a mix tape we had made for the occasion. we didn't have a photographer and asked guests for copies of the pictures they took.

we've gone to a number of splash-y weddings and they are a hoot to be guest at! but sometimes the marriage does not have a happy ending. the wedding day is ONE day! the days that matter are the ones that pile up beyond that--the not so spectacular days--the days the car won't start or the pipe bursts in the basement or you run out of diapers in the midst of a baby bottom explosion. it's how we face these ordinary days that make a marriage memorable.

please don't think that what i am spewing here is sour grapes, quite the opposite. if i had the chance i would have worn a long flowy wedding dress and had hundreds of guests in attendance, but my fiancee and i had a choice to make and we decided to stage this event on the "down low." we drove away from our wedding reception in our 1979 honda civic and ate chinese food at our favorite restaurant. it was ONE of the special days of our lives...not the only special day of our life and that is what i keep in mind when i attend a blowout wedding.

marriage is like a work of art. the layers are what create the depth of feeling and emotion that make it beautiful. beware a magnificent facade, it often belies a papier mache interior not sturdy enough to weather the storms.